Treating Children Based on Their Abilities; Not on What Their Siblings Can Do

When our children are little and just learning all the basics of life, most of us believe that our child is so smart and ahead of the group. But what happens when you have multiple children and you notice that they do not progress the same? First of all, CALM DOWN! No two children are going to progress exactly the same at any point in their lives. Secondly, learn what each of your children can do, instead of focusing on what they cannot do. Thirdly, make sure you do not compare your children's abilities to their siblings.

First and foremost as a parent of multiple children, I had to force myself to realize that every child is individual. For example, my oldest daughter walked at 10 months old. None of her siblings walked that early, but they all walked within the 'normal' time period for that milestone to occur. Now that they are in school, I have to understand that my children are going to have different areas of strength and weakness. It is my job to help them progress at their personal rate to become the best person possible for their abilities.

Focusing on the bad math grades my 4th grader brings home is not going to help her to grow. Neither is telling her that this is easy for her sister so she should be able to do it as well. I have realized that my 4th grader is an excellent reader with high comprehension skills. While I have not given up on improving her math skills, I make sure to point out how well she is doing with her reading and comprehension school work.

My first grader is one of the most stubborn six years old that I have ever met. However, when I try to explain that she needs to listen like her sisters, she tends to go off in the other direction. Then I have lost her, the temper flares, and I am no longer in control of the situation. If I leave her sisters out of the conversation, I can make progress with her. She does not want to be compared to her sisters, especially when she thinks that I am saying they are good and she is bad.

Ultimately, no matter how many children you have, you have to treat each one as if they were the only child. They have to know that they are just as important as their siblings all the time. They need to know that no one is perfect and we still love them just the same. You must make the time to individually deal with situations that arise with your children. Disciplining and lecturing in front of the siblings comes back to comparing them to the siblings and we do not want that to be the focus of the situation at hand, whatever that may be.